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The First Is Always The Hardest
By Chris | August 13, 2008
Today is the first night, the end of the first day, without Jamie. This is not to say that Jamie is gone - he’s only gone from my home. He left this morning for Beaufort to finish up high school. It was bittersweet. In the short time I’ve known him, I’ve grown to love him, and while he and I both knew this day was coming, it wasn’t any easier.
After a mostly sleepless night, the morning was awkward. We both knew what was on each other’s mind, however there was nothing we could say to each other to make it all better, to ease our minds. Jamie has it easier than me, though he may disagree - but in the end, he was going to his home where he grew up, and in the end I’m losing (so to speak) one of the the most important people in my life right now. I will readjust to him not being here. I’ll be okay with coming home from lunch and not seeing his car in the driveway, or knowing he’s just down the hall when he and I had a disagreement, or not being able to brush his hair off his forehead and give him a kiss in the middle of the night.
We loaded Jamie’s car up with his bags and his computer, and I left for work. I held it together. I was impressed with myself. Jamie left after me, and I didn’t see him as I left the subdivision. I went to work. I did fine until he called me later, and he sounded happy to be home. It was like a swift kick in the junk. I wanted him to be as sad as I was, I wanted to know that he was sad and was missing me. I mean, I knew, but I wanted to hear it, since I couldn’t see it. I saw it before he left - but now that he’s gone, I needed that reassurance. I didn’t get it in the form I wanted it, but I got it.
It was a tough day. I-we-made it through it. I could have done better, but I will readjust and in the future Jamie and Chris will be another love story for the books. I’m off for some narcotically (legal) induced slumber. I’m emotionally drained and can’t afford another sleepless night - bad enough it will be without him.
This entry is public, because I don’t care who knows. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m in love with him.
Jamie, I love you.
Jamie and I on the first day we met.
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