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By Chris | February 26, 2005

Sooooo  this is for my eyes only…so it's just my little note to myself.

APDMC6008 (1710): Guten Tag
APDMC6008 (1710): Welcome back to the conscious
cleverpenguin83 (1711): thanks
APDMC6008 (1711): hehe
APDMC6008 (1712): So.
cleverpenguin83 (1712): so what?
APDMC6008 (1712): lol tell me about your convo w/ Jarrett…hahaha
cleverpenguin83 (1713): it was interesting
APDMC6008 (1713): I'm just curious
cleverpenguin83 (1713): but you have a bad habit of repeating things back to people, so i'm hesitant to go into it
APDMC6008 (1713): I won't tell him, trust me.
cleverpenguin83 (1715): basically he said he really is a person who cherishes his space, alone time if you will, and that between work and school, he doesnt get much time for himself, and he feels like if he got a bf, the bf wouldnt understand/be able to handle that
APDMC6008 (1716): Who doesn't?  (like their alone time)
APDMC6008 (1716): My response to that woulda been 'Try me.'
APDMC6008 (1716): I work alot, there's that.
cleverpenguin83 (1716): well at one point he said that he might have jumped to conclusions with you
APDMC6008 (1716): There'd beplenty of time I'd not be around, at least in my case
cleverpenguin83 (1717): so that's positive
APDMC6008 (1717): True.
APDMC6008 (1717): I really like him.
cleverpenguin83 (1717): and he knows this
APDMC6008 (1717): I mean…kinda let it go for over a year…
cleverpenguin83 (1717): yes yes
APDMC6008 (1717): lol you know that..haha
APDMC6008 (1718): I wonder to what conclusion he was referring to.
APDMC6008 (1719): I guess what kinda sucks is that I'm sure he liked me too 
cleverpenguin83 (1720): the conclusion of derailing things
APDMC6008 (1720): Nah.  I wouldn't do that intentionally, providing I knew about it.  Can't accomodate anything w/o knowing of it.
APDMC6008 (1721): I dunno, I've so many little committments I can't see how I'd monopolize someone else's time.
cleverpenguin83 (1721): well i'm just telling you what he said
APDMC6008 (1721): I know.  I'm just thinking out loud.
cleverpenguin83 (1721): so to speak
APDMC6008 (1721): LOL!  very true.
APDMC6008 (1721): He didn't say anything else?
cleverpenguin83 (1722): that was pretty much the gist of it
cleverpenguin83 (1722): he said he felt bad saying it, but felt it was better to do it now than farther down the road
APDMC6008 (1722): Ahh.  How did it come up?
cleverpenguin83 (1722): i dont recall
cleverpenguin83 (1722): it was late
APDMC6008 (1722): lol
cleverpenguin83 (1722): post-patricks
APDMC6008 (1723): I mean it wasn't like “So WTF is up with yu and Crhis”  haha
cleverpenguin83 (1723): please, you know i'm far more tactful than that
APDMC6008 (1723): haha lol
APDMC6008 (1723): I did talk to him a little earlier on here.
cleverpenguin83 (1723): talking to people is my gift
APDMC6008 (1723): Just idle chit chat.  I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him
APDMC6008 (1724): Did you tell him anything on my behalf?  lol
cleverpenguin83 (1724): he thinks that it's going to be hard to have a normal friendship without awkwardness
APDMC6008 (1724): With him, yes.  I felt it was somewhat awkward before….just we never had crossed the line of friendship.
APDMC6008 (1725): And then after all of that, I dunno what it'd be like.
cleverpenguin83 (1725): yeah, he said it was a mistake taking you back to his house
APDMC6008 (1725): lol why is that? haha
cleverpenguin83 (1726): he said everything was moving too fast, and it made him uncomfortable
APDMC6008 (1726): He parked near my car, and I said something about that… and he said “well are you going home?”  and I said “Do you want me to?”  Because I was fine if he didn't want me to.
APDMC6008 (1726): Ehh, they may have moved fast from clothed to unclothed…but I've never even seen him completely naked.
APDMC6008 (1727): Just mostly in the dark and mostly clothed.
APDMC6008 (1727): I'd have been okay with just sleep.
cleverpenguin83 (1728): brb
APDMC6008 (1728): ok
cleverpenguin83 (1733): k back
APDMC6008 (1733): Yay.
APDMC6008 (1733): lol
cleverpenguin83 (1733): he said you didnt need to drive all the way home b/c you had drank a lot
APDMC6008 (1733): Yeah but I was pretty sober at that point
APDMC6008 (1734): I was more drunk Thurs night.
cleverpenguin83 (1734): well he didnt think so, but anyway.
cleverpenguin83 (1734): he just thought y'all's relationship was moving along too fast
cleverpenguin83 (1734): and it scared him
APDMC6008 (1734): I figured that's what happened.  All he had to do was say something.
APDMC6008 (1734): I wouldn't have jumped him.
APDMC6008 (1734): (sigh)  but he just ended it.
APDMC6008 (1737): I just almost feel like I wasn't given a chance…like all he had to do was talk to me about whatever was bothering him.
cleverpenguin83 (1738): well, i dont disagree with you
cleverpenguin83 (1738): he's a very internalized person, as you know
APDMC6008 (1738): Very true.  It's intriguing.
cleverpenguin83 (1738): more like frustrating
APDMC6008 (1739): Well, that can go hand-in-hand
cleverpenguin83 (1739): are you doing anything else tonight other than sitting around moping, BTW?
APDMC6008 (1739): I've no money.. ref: last week.
APDMC6008 (1739): And I've not been moping
APDMC6008 (1739): not terribly much anyway
APDMC6008 (1740): Who knows, maybe give it some time and he'll come around?  lol
APDMC6008 (1740): Or did you get the impression that's a pipe dream?
cleverpenguin83 (1740): well he did say he thinks he might have jumped to the wrong conclusion, so who knows
APDMC6008 (1741): I'd like to hope so.  Like I said, I'm sure he likes me….and I had thought maybe he got scared.
APDMC6008 (1741): If he didn't like me he wouldn't care…haha.
APDMC6008 (1743): But I did find it surprising this AM when I clicked ont he buddy thing in my profile which I rarely check and saw he looked at my thing around 0430
APDMC6008 (1744): And…lol…he read it today as well.
APDMC6008 (1749): lol you're not there, are you? haha
cleverpenguin83 (1750): yes i'mh ere
APDMC6008 (1750): lol
APDMC6008 (1750): hand check
APDMC6008 (1751): fire call
cleverpenguin83 (1751): k

Okay, so when I read all of that again, It makes me wonder.  I see that he checked my profile around 1704…  and he had checked it when Conner was talking to him this AM around 0300.  I just do not know what to think about it.  I mean…ugh, I like him soooo much…and not for the sexual reasons.  The comment about me being at his house being a mistake…well…I wish I had known that, I shoulda have on my best behavior, but I would not have done anything he didn't like.  I am trying to think of a way that I could possibly try to get him back.   I do not want to lose him.  I like that boy way too much, and on a level that's not purely sexual, which is a change.  Maybe I will just try and talk to him normally and see if I can get him to warm back up.  (sigh)  It just makes me so sad.

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