« Forgotten Heroes | Home | Forgotten Heroes »

MEMO

By Chris | December 28, 2004

(Acquired from another blog I found)

 

MEMO ABOUT COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY:

DATE: December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit
barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small
band playing traditional carols ..feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts
among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your
family.

Patty Lewis,  Human Resources Director
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday that often coincides with Christmas.
>From now on we're calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanza at
this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis,  Human Resources Director
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I
put a sign on the table that reads, “AA Only,” you won't
be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts
exchange — no gifts will be allowed since the union
members feel that $10 is too much money.

Pat Lewis,  Human Researchers Director
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
closest to the restrooms.

Happy now?

Pat Lewis,  Human Racehorses Director
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people — nothing sinister was intended by wanting
our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
“Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil
connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.”

Patricia Lewis,  Human Rat Races
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians — I've had it with you people!!  We're going
to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it
or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the
“grill of death,” as you put it, and you'll get salad bar
only, including hydroponic tomatoes.  But, you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream.

I'm hearing them right now…..

Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

The Witch
———————————————————————-
DATE: December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.

I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
sanitarium.  In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.

We hope that this change does not offend anyone.

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

Topics: General |

Comments

You must be logged in to post a comment.